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peanut butter cups

by Coley Mixan

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1.
coconut almond vanilla... peanut butter cups chopped up on grandma's counter she's making an ice cream cake she's making an ice cream cake I blush on rivers and bluffs...so proud feel ahead, feel amazed shaking off the dairy craze I am learning to survive and I turning to arrive it's sound! oh feel ahead, ablaze giving the prairie our praise now I'm just surprised burgers and fries we are praying to give each other more
2.
FJ Cruiser 04:37
learn into danger, opportunity the subtle nuances of ecologies... you came here to listen for your death we're outside today and stretching our breath! oh, to reclaim is what is ours lineage extending backwards i leap for the day, a new found desire! i run for the pay, until i'm tired ! there's no contending without the water there's no pretending i sort for the daughter head for the night to mask all my senses contagious blame courses all consensus merciless light i fold to the acres i'm going to die if not sooner than later grandmother's rye, ride the ranges by strangers i dig up these slices of galactic danger... i can't wait for someone else's song but i've left the dishes and laundry a just little too long meme steal the heart beats from us while we're in bed when will these melodies sound like the ones in my head? my life went from floppy disks to cds to usbs to clouds i hope next that it's soil o! i hope next that it's soil merciless light i fold to the acres i'm going to die if not sooner than later grandmother's rye, ride the ranges by strangers i dig up slices of galactic danger merciless heights: my mind can't shut off! i'm grieving the bite this microwaved fuzz i burst into years friendless over gardens all work is shears for the theater of money merciless night, why am i so afraid ? of playing the chords i know i must play fitting clothes to a body i'm exhausted over nothing... exhausted over nothing exhausted over nothing but am i missing something? i am missing something i can't wait for someone else's song but when i sit down to write all the words come out so wrong meme steal the heart beats from us while we're in bed when will these melodies sound like the ones in my head? i'm exhausted over nothing... exhausted over nothing exhausted over nothing but am i missing something? cause i know i'm missing someone when i am sitting along in the dark... trying to figure out how to leave my mark...
3.
little sister got another blister peeling off the toast like skin is just a whisper you never tip her running from a twister she'll never know another rainbow she'll never know another rainbow big refrigerator pulling up potaters legislature excavator agitator detonator ! you make another waffle and you save it for later you procrastinator fly through solar radiation raw medicine sister lounges in the dark: united states of gelatin shadow ranch secrets, i dance my regrets little sister got another blister peeling off the toast like skin is just a whisper never tip her running from a twister she'll never know another rainbow big refrigerator pullin' up potaters the legislature 's regulator speculator agitator detonator shadow ranch secrets, i dance another regret oh little sister, are you dancing on your blister? it's cedar boiled mercury it's ornery mercy peel the deal hey sister, where you going now?
4.
in the yoke of gossip measuring the sun on signal hill i terrified my pocket by the shirt of long lost thrills working behind mill-owners miles of desert clay between starshine and craigslist, i go slower just to touch ocotillo and feel alive he's the girl with the wild in his eyes whistling bagpipes no clues but those three stripes last fixes for distant dream more mixes for the teens utensils have lost their sheen, cut costs and qualities oh, i can't believe i'm still alive...measuring the sun on signal hill. saddle up your ice cream when you're running from the crows watching above pine needle shakes the fullest moments of life are always hardest to rationalize a passion that consumes you inside until it's flame summer cold at lakeside we're soaking wet and laughing to hide grandma's joy wrapped around more than pride until it's cake sing my name! yeah she sings my name...
5.
stinging nettle tea i go out walking i love your company through all its shocking we're in the stacks and we're stacking the signs all of facts couldn't trick the divine all of the facts couldn't curve like a spine is it the force that greens the flowers spilt at the source our solstice showers we're drinking time in seattle square i'll never rhyme when i cut my hair watch my baby eat a javalina you wish that you'd have never seen her i water the weeds in my backyard everywhere a massacre a bitter mother lover, a bitter mother lover i never did ask of her a bitter sip of rubber, i wither when i touch her the task of us is to remain in tact, the trick is not insane rip your throat and choke it's a slip of laughter's joke is it the force that blues your eyes? split at the source someday we'll die i'm on a train, neon pastries i can't explain the empty waiting a stinging memory i go out walking Seattle is lush in all of its dumping i pick you up and carry your body out of the bar and into your car everywhere a massacre a bitter mother lover, a bitter mother lover i never did ask of her a bitter sip of rubber, i wither when i touch her
6.
out land if you cannot out run then you've got to try and tuck it by yourself i know what i want is bigger than a body got to trick what haunts me not to fall industry all alone i know there's not too much of hope in the darkness groping how to be composed... out here in the field getting so muddy i cut up all these tree limbs--they are not of me permission to go slow, ambition to let go the earth will fight back with all that she knows. i wonder of the crows who fly above the soul and plant the seeds for all that's our own the earth is meant for singing on so why wait for the buildings to come on down in chemical reactions that white men are laughing? oh community, i am spending all my time on screens the ancestors are watching me as i build my body queer the first in the line of many that are not built by fear the last in the land of plenty, i'm ordering myself to become more than slumping i know that there is help i grow into the spirit that i will always chase after who was the one that put the fake mustache on to become someone else? who was on the that put the fake mustache on to play in a basement a game of 31 i know that grandma's watching as go i out walking - trying not to stop these thoughts... do i always place my body in front of the camera do i always need somebody to tell me what i'm after? do i always need to prove that i am no disaster? i wonder if the groove will ever out live all this cancer? oh the pain that i've become gets worst as i grow numb an orchid in full bloom... the phases of the moon i gather summer's pyrite, the weeping in my spine is it supposed to be...? from ashes to ashes and dust to dust i hope i out live every one of us through my protection and my own correction...i will roam don't play the fool when you fool yourself into thinking that there's nothing greater than your mental health $6.99 for a dozen donuts and if you 69 then you know that you can own it $6.99 for a dozen donuts i call up my cousin cause i don't know how to hold it $6.99 for a dozen donuts i call up my cousin cause i don't know how to hold it who was the one that put the fake mustache on to become someone else? who was on the that put the fake mustache on to play in a basement a game of 31 i know that grandma's watching as go i out walking - trying not to stop... from ashes to ashes and dust to dust I know that I will out live everyone of my bad thoughts for myself and others who's got the general purpose who's got the sort of feeling that plays us to the surface that sees that we are reeling a mind is just a spiral a brain is just a soul and you don't need to let go of control to feel it now to feel it somehow. live bigger than I've ever lived before I want to forgive myself when I walk through that door I don't need permission to put my ears flat against the earth that tells me that she loves me in a myriad of ways that tells me there's no reason to be afraid of life and to just understand I'm here to enjoy myself without letting go of my ethics without underestimating that we're all a little crazy and the music that perpetuates my life is supposed to be what it's supposed to be (music)
7.
They Came 01:40
they came and i wrote them: in the desert with a bitter heart they came, still naked, and i ate them with a bitter arc the most pressing, depressing life stuff on a carpet i'm never enough they came, i wrote in the desert, a trope i'm concerned with the origin i'm concert with a spell i am twisted with magic i am shifted in hell
8.
return to your route -- the pain that comes at night can't close your eyes for fear of their return tonight return to your roots and hide your peanut butter cups if you wanna live then you can't give up return to your roots and hide your peanut butter cups if you wanna live then you can't give up return to the route -- the pain that comes at night can't close your eyes for fear of their return tonight return to your roots and hide your peanut butter cups if you wanna live then you can't give up return to your roots and hide your peanut butter cups if you wanna live then you can't give up
9.
combat american wildlife fight off the nature of design online american wild nights we will our own demise you're crying for a night sky that you haven't seen in thousand years politicians continue to deny that artificial light ain't theirs who's got the cold, when you're in the heat? and what tends to bite, when you need to eat? where will we paint life when we're feeling dead? who offers up a tale when you need some head... ahead of all the poison inside your system I'm so sick and tired of blaming the victim so where are the seeds at the time of harvest? i'm dreaming of the grasses in a forest count single lifetime, and get every single star combat american wildlife fight off the nature of design online american wild nights we code our own demise i reach out for the palm of your hand i'll take your touch apocalypse politicians continue to deny that america is rotten combat America, come back a miracle!
10.
11.
What U Heard 04:20
performance becomes a bed wherever I lay my head we don't know what to do with the body but the birds are watching I hope the mushrooms get me first decaying this human thirst for another morning just looking at cars on the internet optically speaking, I miss you all the crazy shit we used to do does the moon know of the outbreaks denim jackets and milkshakes does the moon know of the outbreak? denim jackets and milkshakes what you heard was a flash of light you deserve the eternal fright we run away from the beach soaking wet I tried to cover you with my jacket but know I the shapes that I used to admire in the bakery windows were just illusions does the moon know of the outbreaks? all these frosted cakes I watch them with jealously I miss you more than you miss me optically speaking, I miss you all the stuff we used to do I'm now sure that I will answer the call to fall down on my knees in front of you what you heard was a flash of light you deserve that eternal night we waited in line to buy groceries the creak in my spine is an old injury what you heard was a flash of light we deserve a more peaceful life
12.
french fries on a saturday i am not the champion meet the world, mistakes falsehood in halcyon i trip down staircases covered in leaves bundle up my body to ignore my grief instant satisfaction or bust these iron satellites, oh space rust i'm looking forward i'm heading back not sure what i need except more snacks you document life with a film camera a flash goes off and you're hammered i toss some corn into the air again walking around troy, michigan approximations never shadow feeling all of these decades have turn into beatings well, pre pandemic -- it caught me eating french fries on a saturday I know I'm grieving i am not the champion victory of people moonlight glosses are so surreal I know it's not quite over until I fall down the stairs. you document life with a film camera a flash goes off and you're hammered walk around troy, michigan i toss some corn into the air again (i know that i am not arrogant but these days can't go peeling on cause I'm so sick of trying to find a song over and over again i have no friends spend my nights on my phone and i wonder why i feel so alone?) I've been consumed by a mirror of life there is nothing left for me I'm not sure that I know what my dreams are anymore... except trying to drink enough water and being grateful for the stuff I've already got! ...my body grieves for a time before I broke my spine I document life with a film camera I can't remember the last time we got hammered together
13.
intimidation 03:40
intimidation, intimidation, intimidation... it takes a leap of faith to find comfort in disaster it takes a lot conversation to redefine what matters life is always darkness sourced from a star form is myth made science-bizarre you contest the figure of the century: unspeakable misery ! sunshine, sunshine, sunshine... a dance is a spiral is a root of survival come hear the revival come hear the revival of joy intimidation, intimidation, intimidation... it takes an uprising to love immediate vision it shakes the soil in the song of all wisdom life is built blackness sourced from a void solar myth is bread digested and destroyed it's destroyed! sunshine, sunshine, sunshine... a dance is a spiral is a root of survival come hear the revival come hear the revival of joy well, down with the legend! and screw what's expected! we're here and connected! BY JOY! the sun goes down on the empire, we all burn in the fire the reckless demons of whiteness are so uninspired it's a dark dreamscape but the movement is clear this universe is bigger than you!
14.
sun shine, sun light!
15.
there is a planet leaving tonight outside of silence that you must fight if you're not careful and destroy your name the universe won't let you sing out her space spooky elm underestimate what you must give, what you shall take  life is of life and only forward death is the echo of all you have heard pull a tarot, holy crow laughs absurd the answers you seek weigh much more than a word oh holy repetition i see you wandering through my mind like a biscuit why order a cake here? the politician's waiting to smear my own thoughts around an eternal silence i've got to bite it: but can i believe when i want to leave you? oh, oh, you've caught the echo oh, oh you're spacetime glow oh, oh, you're all seeds we sow
16.
o! computer 09:16
praglize your salutations privatize public information  surprise genetic mutations  traumatize with regulations compromise won't fix the nationsunrise lives by rotation centralize the devastation  xfiles eyes mutilation  run until results are incomputeri am americanoh computer a name for everything always forms itself a prayerrearrange the springuntil life itself is bare paradigm shiftsdigital wastelandspolish your instruments to free up your hands from the day we are born what can't be said in a language of rivers is never bled and never centered i am stuck on an empire burnt out and wired work my fingers to their nerves catching up to a life i deserve from the day we're born planting and tossing corn
17.
poppies #4 06:27
i've got poppies on my mug opium is opium i'm too weak to resist that tongue but i've got poppies just like my grandma in the kitchen our undersold labor regret the habits on this wax paper kolaches turn into funeral craters but i've got blisters just like my grandma i've got sister's hair in bags tiny poems of her death i'm too weak to still speak on breath but i got a garden just like my grandma... i'm growing food just like my grandma but i speak into my hands soaking up some compassion training my satisfaction cause i do not know how to make it slow i'm just a stranger in a basement leaping for my amazement running my own estrangement i praise the earth for life i praise the earth for death i've got saturn on my jacket i'm just an astro-physic faggot i always wanted to live in outerspace but i've got duties just like my grandma detroit obsession on my knees i draw the outline and release i want to beg you pretty please cause i've got to climax just like my grandma
18.
7th son of the 11th son had a trans son 11 days into the 7th month and i'm still running toward where i came from i went to war just to start a war i don't know my destination but i know that i've been craving the hope that Great Mother has life enough for us All... so take my life and let it live! take my life and give a kid some hope delight is here to serve you in the spaces that you breathe power left unaccounted lies its thrown into disease don't abandon the land that sources life ravens and crows soak up the light their blackness holds the love of everything ocotillo bursts like a firework weaving us out of the universe the sun is obvious source of life but we still dig deep down to fright Washington becomes Arizona Arizona becomes Cuba and Cuba returns to Nebraska 7th son of the 11th son had a trans son 11 days into the 7th month and i'm still running toward where i came from i went to war just to start a war i don't know my destination but i know that i've been craving the hope that Great Mother has life enough for us All... so take my life and let it live! take my life and give a kid some hope saddle up your hope it's already been a long, long ride already been a cold, cold night: flowers arranged. the fullest moments of life are always hardest to rationalize a passion that consumes you inside until you're flame summer cold at the lakeside we're soaking wet and laughing to hide grandma's joy wrapped around more than pride until it's shame... sing my name! she's sings my name! sing my name! she's sings my name!
19.
coley - piano, guitar, bass, drums
20.
i love things a little out of tune conor says welding is for me too i drive my disco over rocks and shit even after people fuck with it though i am not on top of it I feel like a droplet i dream that songs are real i dream that i will feel a little bit less alone it's so 2004 of me to feel stuck by gravity i trip in this injury exposed to the sun i plug and unplug the wires trying to figure out why i'm tired but mama's buying us peanut butter cups oh mama says that you want some peanut butter cups and i know that you're gonna get another drop and i see everybody's fucking up the cops and i...want another peanut butter cup a peanut butter, but-but-butter cups mama bought a bag of peanut butter cups and all of us are trying to get off of the planet as fast as we can o o o another text message i don't answer I'm dancing by myself like a dancer a cowboy hat that is pink i wonder what the reading quality is like to some convergence but instead i feel more emergent in my head i look at leaves on the ground and wonder how they've made it plug it in, pull it out you gotta plug it and pull mama's got a bag of peanut butter cups we're having a party I dance all by myself but it's so 3D I'm gonna get a bag of peanut butter cups cause there's no better conversation than chocolate and peanuts you will try to not survive they cut the copper from the house and it's only worth a $1000.00 now they watch the economy collapse because they can sit around their cash and laugh at the poor that are preying on each other well, I just want some peanut butter I want some peanut butter cups cause nothing else will fill me up a flash goes off and my head gets a migraine I guess it's not 2004 anymore
21.
what can't be said in a language of rivers is never bled and never centered i am stuck on an empire burnt out and wired work my fingers to their nerves catching up to a life i deserve a mirror sports bracket get nearer bad habits the good life unpromised a dull knife resharpened destruction it's all here: a mirror sports jacket get nearer all faggots we have lost everything we need to lose lay in bed, change color by bruise generosity shows us what is already here
22.
you wanna keep it cooler than sourdough strong and coordinated feet i wanna learn how to grow my own something the world can eat you click the link for details and find the shelf cost i unsubscribe from proofs of point on the internet we all are lost but the web holds my voice oh where will we go? rent a house on zillow buy that chair on offer up grandpa fought for no freedom you wanna keep it hotter than secret sauce stronger than instagram ads i wanna learn how to camouflage before somebody finds me out i am sadder than i've ever been white, white capitalism i walk the city before language kills us dark and radiant poems of queer life you know i'll be there taking the bus wishing the soil would spark queer life

about

recorded on and off in coley's bedroom //
Phoenix, AZ March-October 2021.

credits

released December 31, 2021

coley mixan - all guitar, banjo, drums, bass, vocals, production, keyboards, lyrics, synthesizers heard on the record.


sean downey - THANK YOU!! for the amazing remix of "Return 2 Your Roots"

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Coley Mixan Seattle, Washington

ol' coley gonna build a sod house.

coley mixan is a multi-instrumentalist + visual artist creating sonic pieces that resonate on the same frequency as microwaved bananas. 🍌🍞🍰

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