Return 2 Sport

by Coley Mixan

/
  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    Purchasable with gift card

      $3 USD  or more

     

1.
(oh yeah, oh yeah) madness collapses in spaces that i've never let myself touch i search the extinction of traces compounded confusion in ruts no evidence for a father the many bodies left behind a best friend could never bother when she never learned how to cry... so how do i keep earthliness in me? volcanic red, blue and green majesty? a life for a life by magnetic appetite eruptions are just the beginning of time! eruptions are just the slimming of sight! assumptions are just the human at night too afraid to be terrified... 'cause i want to be the fingers on the keys: turning, turning, turning the chemistry outside of what's wired in me o! o! o! o! o! return 2 sport return 2 earth i am the dash i am the dirt trans lighting outside thunder hoops i grace the thread i aim 2 shoot return 2 sport believe my Self listen for Truth's eternal swells return 2 sport return 2 earth i am the dash i am the dirt rub the leaves on my hands pretend that they're bandages feel, feel, feel! text eliza cowboy memes do exactly as i please it's all abundance here (if i'm listening) (o! o! o! oh yeah, oh yeah) ropes unfurl from the rapture i decide if i'm pastured observing the movement of Love i want to play the best game that i can before madness collapses in spaces that i've never let myself touch it's getting to be too much the pleasure of liking it rough, liking it rough, liking it rough
2.
keep nothing hushed if you're blossoming self it's all a rush, an abundance of swells sweep something up life is God anyway if you're living then you'll die every day each movement a sport to be wholly gay don't doubt who you've always been don't doubt that you're gonna win Outlive the 7% no tragedy of friendship but adult friendships Each moment a sport Each moment a source A trial of force Each movement is sport Each movement is source A trial of force Fear no divorce keep nothing hushed if you're blossoming self it's all a rush, an abundance of swells sweep something up life is God anyway if you're living then you'll die every day (each movement is sport) Here we are--I know we got to go! Don’t stop when you feel the coast to coast! A healing sport, a healing sport
3.
attention can i have your password? attention can i have your worst? so long to all of the logins i'm giving up to the thirst it's always more than a feeling it's always more than a haunt i'm surging up without seeking smiling grip on what you want ecstatic notions no longer streets i am subtle indignity rolling case of ebay bids oh save us from becoming what we quit i've got my kneepads i'm gonna fall every sunset is a way out of the mall i'm still surprised at the way of the path it curves and spirals we set it smash is there fun with doom if we are doom everyday? oh yeah and the eyes stay open oh yeah and i return oh yeah what i've been choking double creature here to learn i'm here to turn it all to rock (silicon) so shot by shot they shoot them down it's like a gun to the gut and it's full of ground i can't save us from becoming what we quit... every sunset a way out of South Omaha don't double dare yourself outside of who you are because i love every inch that plays that guitar we curve and spiral by the way of the path we set it all back to smash
4.
i am the hungry now i am the bread i left for certain town no future dead you wanna keep it cooler than sourdough strong and coordinated feet i wanna learn how to grow my own something the world can eat you click the link for details and find the shelf cost i unsubscribe from proofs of point on the internet we all are lost but the web holds my voice oh where will we go? rent a house on zillow buy that chair on offer up grandpa fought for no freedom you wanna keep it hotter than secret sauce stronger than instagram ads i wanna learn how to camouflage before somebody finds me out i am sadder than i've ever been white, white capitalism i walk the city before language kills us dark and radiant poems of queer life you know i'll be there taking the bus wishing the soil would spark queer life
5.
Here in the holy center You wanna squeeze the renter Live twice until you splinter Chest-buster confetti Step over rainbow’s blush No lecture in a touch You wanna squeeze the crunch Until it’s jelly A murder of crows follows me through the city Just in case I brought some snacks with me The moon is still surprising In the gift of the horizon I go searching for the self that i came to make Mad and eager flown the eagle Above hope for all people I go dancing in the self that i came to shake Perform with my deformity Every life Now gorgeous Perform with my deformity Every life Now, gorgeously ! Machines do work Lifeforms do play You watch me swerve As though it pays Can’t get enough Can’t reach down low Rivers and bluffs Warp field exposed Uh, the holy center you wanna squeeze the renter Chest-buster confetti Step over rainbow’s blush No lecture in a touch You wanna squeeze the crunch Until it’s jelly A murder of crows follows me through the city Just in case I brought some snacks with me
6.
there's something sacred going on out there she's dressed up like street confetti it's a tendency to rainbows that contains the power suggesting of ritual magic sunrise in her arms it's perpetual tragic sunset at the cause visionary experience the horses and the cosmos songs of power, dried flowers visionary turmoil cosmos and divorces these songs of fear, the sacred mirror: conscious is a coil, coil o the horses and cosmos dance until you behold them and erode them there's something mythic going in here she's dressed up like a murder of crows our love begins the blackness of earth our love curls and spirals it's the articulation of thought through daring it's coming up and becoming caring she's dressed up like ritual magic sunrise in her arms! visionary experience the horses and the cosmos songs of power, dried flowers visionary turmoil cosmos and divorces songs of fear, songs right here cause music is the cosmos they dance, they dance, they dance o the horses and cosmos dance until you behold them and erode them it moves in spirals, it takes my gut she's all i want the sacred one
7.
(Coley, coley, coley come, come come Coley!) Bury me in motherfuckers I don’t want to be breathing if they’re not Outside the world, my legs become rug burns Plants I should name are left to rot I am inclined to blame the wind created by bombs Instead of fury that dropped them on top of us I lay awake in the brutal vision of roots I am happy where happiness sings truth I am happy where happiness sings truth (Coley, coley, coley come, come come Coley!) Bury me in prairie grasses I don’t want to be dancing if they’re not Outside the world, my arms swing passion Friends I should name are left to squat Am I to holler in the hollering of all time? Am I to holler my name over and over? Where shall I come to when there is no more coming? Bury me in prairie grasses I don’t want to be dancing if they’re not My arms swing in passion as friends are left to rot
8.
Nebraskaland 03:03
Moonless nights, wild polka-dots Formations built on living mud I come from Nebraskaland Hills of flood, those hills of sand Our names compete with goldenrod Stolen peat from native tongues Bird song singular in the search of trees On the prairie On the prairie On a prayer Red Cloud, big sky Willa Cather's Sacred July Hollyhocks , sidewalks Malcolm X Left for better minds Moonless nights, wild polka-dots The stars fall in celebration I am of Nebraska’s land Bug eaters, breaking bread So, this is Nebraska Our love for all things warm But when ya know how to cause a flood then even those bugs will swarm On the prairie On the prairie On a prayer
9.
10.
playful and sad i dance on my own i want to build my final home sing to the grasses what i seek: life as stolen indeterminacy these beacons flash, i am lonely the shock of newness now so hungry my body changing into a million songs sing it now. i lived a life filled with good people but i'm still unsatisfied when i feel i am in a state of constant elaboration Just moving on and on in decoration why do i care so much how i look? When it’s all about how i feel? i entertain myself with the balance of rejection and compassion i can sit alone for hours upon the silent curve of you dance myself into greatness i will be born again dance myself so weightless i will be born again pleasure fades, i seek no satisfaction I wrap my mind around what is healing… I am alright I am alive I used to walk around the streets like Frank O’Hara thinking I was somebody but I understand now that’s a view of privilege
11.
Little Walnut, you’re going home Sit around through nothing at all i wish i had taken the job But i was scared of my family singing to that anxiousness as i always doing there... Queer sunset painted onto walls neon lights are so empty now And i miss their pink so much i now i am still alive So know i don’t know if i’m gonna make it So many songs and never a winner Another download code in my pocket I’m not sure I’ll ever listen to them When I only want to hear my mother’s voice & the community of warmth That keeps me on the hero’s edge Death's privilege If i had died young like him Everyone would appreciate me Not that I want to cause that grief but who's the one with their picture on the wall? is it a life--or a memory? So know i don’t know if i’m gonna make it So many songs and never a winner Another download code in my pocket I’m not sure I’ll ever listen to them When I only want to hear my mother’s voice a community of warmth that welcomes me like a hero in the the way they never did when he was living right here i know it's just thoughts but i will never be remembered as noble as the one that died at 23 Little Walnut, you're going home Sit around through nothing at all i wish i had taken the job But i was scared of my family
12.
it's subtle it's tang inside of our... forbidden voices, our shadow shelves we refuse to conquer what's telling responsibility, we should be responsive when coiled emotions come to haunt us in America the rivers are wet and the grasses wetter once a machete (i am) now a lover bare for the abundance how many rinses were required for the full blessing of agriculture?? : i'm growing this love is so dynamic squeeze free all of the panic full breath and become cinematic her face is the face of all great nows her face the face of all great vows the shape, the shape of all sound it's hard to make this choice in a room so small and bright when i am outside being big and deep i want to close my eyes and imagine queer futures holding my own on my own front porch without this self doubt without this stabbing sound inside my head i will dance i will be limited infinity i will sing so i can grow all the rivers into snow intermediate silence to remove the veil
13.
You hold On to nothing Like nothing Modesty You told Me everything Like everything Grandmothers To converse As to recuperate The words do not illuminate any place we love Any particular past It’s all miraculous I am unsafe by those Who share me I am unsafe by those Who care for me You hold On to nothing Like nothing Modesty it models me You told Me everything Like everything recuperates
14.
& deadly 03:17
15.
one morning i charred my ink waiting for the bell to strike the hour's secret prayer is a subtle wink cause i know what i know is just what i like blood by blood i watched them pace, dismantle god and you've got it made (she's a deli and i love her) i want to be loud enough to greet her a thousand times (what breathes on barely is rubble) let the catastrophe come in ringing she's a daring and i love her what breathes on bellies is just rubble let the catastrophe come in ringing put my ears close enough--they're all singing dwelling is more than a feeling slow deterioration is not an early grave no misconceptions no modern promises no love! unless it's love that's prevalent today.
16.
Titty Widget 05:14
Titty widget, micro pivot White so wicked i’m at limit Illicit double digit Mr. trans eat a biscuit A little snippet of the spirit Then i fidget how i fear it Then i budget how i feed it (Life so good i wanna eat it) Panoramic night vision Sonic cousin swish a villian Avid global horror American disposal Water water everywhere betrayal is betrothal Fire fire everywhere Compost, huh? Pleasure reading, audience Creation’s not what you neglect a sandwich or protagonist In the mines of soul protest ? Titty widget off our chests Astro ooze where it suggests Gratitude is living best Life will never be oppressed White is horror, negligence Life will never be oppressed Trans body be performed transitions are the norm In greedom of the rich no Body safe when you living like a bitch But then i never wanted to predict An even stranger tide I am so Alive and slick Breathing on the river side I didn’t listen to the Midwest I didn’t keep my ears sharp I never knew i confess Teeth grinding in the dark Well it’s getting more historical by the hour More sensational by the year White American global horror Only exports its own fear of darkness that is the richness of life o what a sacrifice kill it all with pesticides
17.
doris day speaking
18.
Doris Day in the staff bathroom I don't know what she's gonna do Hanging out at the library all night Doris Day slipping concrete stairs Golden waves singing her hair Even celebrities have to say goodbye Second period, algebra  Cheapened adulthood insomnia   I wanted to understand math so bad   Doris Day's middle mind Lovely eyebrows lifted high If I only knew then what I had had Generous, curious, I was so delirious -- With my teenage desire to cry! love's in the mail love's alright love will keep us warm tonight Sneaking into high school choir love's in the mail love's alright love will keep us warm tonight Doris Day has expired 
19.
Well, it’s peace busy peace Constantly a disease In this slowing I am growing when i look towards the Cascades I think useless Gone and ruthless Music looping Life’s confusing If I listen for the focus Sleeping on the couch in LA I can fill my room With spots for you Make out in public parks I can slip my shirts With lots of dirt Light candles in the dark Well, i’m no virgin Mary The heartache comes when i say i love you At 2am and we’re both drunk So you can dismiss it when we wake up Meet the middle Our care sizzled Faster than the fourth of july North Bend fireworks Sparks fly at surf All the feelings I didn’t say... On a soaking wet Rattle Snake We waited for the stars to fall, Chemical and unethical I wish I could peel off these soul ties Between the veil I know I shall always remain At the hilltop Where our bravery never went To speak the love that shouldn’t been To speak the love that's so hopeless I know we can never be friends Not in the way friends come and go it's unethical, you know? Meet me in the middle Figure out the riddle I wish I could be less looping, right here
20.
If to be infinite is to possess an unboundedness Then I believe we’re all delivered here The moment you comprehend your own consciousness You find an old word doc in your drive So i consider the small span of my life Absorbed in the enterny of time I’m a small part of this space Where i can touch your face Involved in the immensity of my love for you Oh friend, don’t you know? Your art drives me on Sinister Femme big percussion Frightened and astonished to feel this here and now Any two points in time Between today and tomorrow Will return us to our birth When we first met And sat outside Film Streams In your father’s pickup We hated everything Except each other And knew there was something between us Some sound Some music Some queerness I wanna make some sound I wannt go back to where we were then And be best friends Are we best friends?
21.
Sparkle like a strawberry And don’t give up Sparkle like a strawberry And trust your gut In the moment Of atonement Only a sister can provide You will dance together in your mother’s basement And laugh until the street lights turn off I’m fortunate to have such a beautiful one in my life Day and night Sparkle like a strawberry And don’t you stop Every moment bubbles Until you’re gone Every second I want to be of love: the sort I feel when I look at you Sparkle like a strawberry And don’t you stop Sisters in Palm Springs On a rock It’s always Mandy In the morning Jam and waffles, Whipped cream surprise Sparkle like a strawberry in wild summer Sparkle like a strawberry never a bummer I've got my sister and she's got me and we both sparkle like a strawberry in the wet grass on our family's lawn we'll be here until we're gone
22.
23.
playing 🏀 03:32
I remember when i used to write songs just for me No need to share As long as i had my guitar Now there’s something going on with my privacy It’s all over the place And i can’t contain Any reason to believe Why i should be ecstasy Why i should be song writing When i’ve got desires to be a star Human-centered Limb-splintered I am nothing without a feeling of doubt I remember when i used to play basketball at the park Pretending i could dunk And soar higher than anyone has ever soared A performance just for my shadow Any reason to believe Why i should be ecstasy Why i should be song writing When i’ve got desires to be a star I am nothing without a feeling of doubt
24.
Mild dry lines, i smudge the makeup on your face Intimacy warns each of us have our place I recognize relevance is better But I still prefer to walk in the desert At your throne Cause terror finds its full echo in creation-- As to read in separate corners of your room Who’s been covering our bodies in ecstasy? Y!! Sung by the trees is a ruin that keeps us brief EF!! Life hangs by cycles and mismanaged schemes so slice off my hair and kiss off my dreams My rage is splitting me open again... Between the emptiness i've found here I’ve dreamed of breathing as an earthworm But now those shadows keep me in your arms The sense of the promise to make believe: I can be brave I can be honest A human quake Slightly unspoken Just a disaster… Mild dry lines, I smudge the makeup on your face (will i ever find my place?!? this was supposed to be my home but i've never felt more like a stranger) Who’s been covering our bodies In ecstasy? Sung by the trees is a ruin that keeps us brief, so brief Life hangs in cycles and mismanaged schemes they cut off my hair and run down my dreams My rage is splitting open again… I cry without speaking And i run without weeping Chasing something without health Some sort of happiness But i already know I have it with you Too prickly for words, There’s no more wounds
25.
did you really kill yourself or was it a lonely sort of accident? i don't know why i wanna know-- it makes no sort of difference i thought i was a friend i thought was some sort of gravity until i learned the hard lesson that only you can make you happy but yet i'm still earth bound though you've gone toward the gray skies the pleasure of our love is warmth dripping down my thighs remember my presence even under your violence remember my presence even in your silence did you live your fullest life or was it a lonely sort of day dream for the type of planet that ensconces you with what you think you need? you know, i thought i was quite bright i thought i was intelligent until i learned everything i need to know i will learn in meditation but yet i'm still earth bound though you've gone toward the lavender fields the pleasure of our love is everything that's ever been real remember my presence even under your violence remember my presence even in your silence
26.
(oh yeah, oh yeah) i keep them connected the thoughts i rejected whatever is expected-- it's all just a mess i keep them connected the thoughts i expected whether i am a mess, yeah... ...i wish that i was bigger than myself trying to pull my ears close but the doctor's next, then! yeah the doctor says i'm dying the doctor says i'm dying i keep them connected the thoughts i rejected when i was a mess i'm trying to disturb what i should learn in the hour of darkness at my soul i'm trying to disturb but i thought i should learn in the darkness of my soul i keep them connected the thoughts i rejected it's all misconnected i hate it all, i hate it all i hate waking up

about

welcome 2 return 2 sport. here we are not yet in shape, in dimension, in proportion, in promotion, in body, in sync, N-SYNC, in gratitude, in ecology, in VR, in transubstantiation, in subways, in delicacies, in fermentation, etc. but we begin NOW 2 take steps forward (and backward and sideways). looking for some real soil to tap into. thank you 4 listening.
i wrote and recorded this in my bedroom in seattle betwen november 2019 and february 2020. xoxo coley

credits

released February 29, 2020

coley mixan - guitar, organ, drums, vocals, lyrics, keyboards, mixing

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

Coley Mixan Seattle, Washington

ol' coley gonna build a sod house.

coley mixan is a multi-instrumentalist + visual artist creating sonic pieces that resonate on the same frequency as microwaved bananas. 🍌🍞🍰

contact / help

Contact Coley Mixan

Streaming and
Download help

Redeem code

Report this album or account

If you like Coley Mixan, you may also like: