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junior varsity

by Coley Mixan

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1.
i'm feeling ripped off this fever pissed off i wish we could talk without going so hawk before it all falls pitch black dark scrawls i'm cut a thin-think i'm just a fake mink ////////////////////////////// i'm feeling ripped off friendship cock blocked trying to twist off all of these fag knots all us of bad thoughts rip through my muscles i'm not a struggle but how do i hustle? when your severed love is still a match to match? another shrug to let the snatch hatch ? where i healed on your basement couch bad habits curse current make outs i rub my temple like i can't break my heart anymore than you already have worship at temple like i can't shake my god anymore than you already smashed like you already smashed like vitamin water you cost too much to taste like shit and i've finally had enough of it! (you cost too much!) pull me up and out of your back pocket i didn't work this hard to be holographic pull me in and down from your victims i didn't play this way to bow for your system i didn't know, know, know i didn't, no! no! no! (now where do we go?!) i'm feeling so ripped up come on baby, i wish that we could fuck i never knew you like i wanted to know you i never touched you like i wanted to touch you when it was all groovy, then it was all gravy i sensed the fall out well before you escaped me i paid the bills, i read the note i tried to keep my hands deep inside my throat ... but when you've got a knuckle on the knife it's hard not to stab... (it's hard not to stab, keep it BACK, man!) pull me up and out of your back pocket i didn't work this hard to be holographic pull me in and down from your victims i didn't play this way to bow for your system i didn't know, know, know ! i didn't, no! no! no! i didn't want to know! i didn't go, go, go! leave me ALONE~!! (now i'm only playing for the GOAL!) we tried to keep it in our discussions of percussion but now i can't wait, can't wait for the rhythm ... i stumble like it's midnight at the greatest party of my life and the room is full of people mortified by the veil that prevails over what we dance as truth [[[guitar solo bolo tie]]]
2.
met my brother down in omaha speaking sacred tongues we both leaned into our spirals harmonized to song made a reservation to cool off my nerves swimming in the river, it was more than i deserved i will always remember where our Big Sky hovers even in the darkness home is in that magic color you do you and i'll do me discovering the self is true bravery if i give myself the time i offer to pointless jobs will i ever find the rhyme that is in my song? will i ever find the rhyme that is waiting for my song? met my sister on sunset strip plagiarized DNA 'til the moment our egos tripped we never Doris Dayed drove down the back roads to crossroads cafe not a single shadow on the ground, every feeling was safe every dance we made was outer space every dance we made was inner space we've grooved until we couldn't... you do you and i'll do me discovering the self is true bravery if i give myself the time i offer to pointless jobs will i ever find the rhyme that is in my song? will i ever find the rhyme that is waiting for my song? now if i'm lonely, i try to feel alone and, when i'm only, i remember i'm my own met my brother down in omaha speaking sacred tongues we both leaned into spirals you do you and i'll do me... i gave myself the time of my life (what did i miss?)
3.
the variant is everywhere, it's everywhere i look. the patron saint of everywhere is hidden in a spook--hidden! send a yex message 11:11 a list of devices conquer or leaven? take the bread back in you gotta try it take the bread back in you gotta try it we could go swimming live a little living before i get lost in these gluten divides or red speckles that dance through your eyes send direct message communicate leverage send direct message communicate leverage what was said then came in a packet yeah, what was said back then used to go laughing with the delight of being alive! am i tossed or am i glowing? am i awkward or flowing? everything feels the same to me now... whether i am lost or i am found!
4.
well i haven't changed my password in ten years it's just some crazy numbers and my fear of being referenced on the spot can't go dancing dot to dot cause it's all about the hangout online or off i'm running from another bubbly water cop in the whitest shoes made junior varsity buffaloes to spider web security log on baby, rub it all around two day shipping is the highest ground gotta save ourselves! we gotta save! gotta save ourselves! gotta save! (gotta make the play) wooden risers set the scent of wasted evenings gone to sweat i am junior varsity weakened strength belongs to me i am the distance that never gets closer coach put me in i wanna be the closer oh help me god -- i am a loser well i haven't changed my password in ten years it's just some crazy numbers and my fear of being referenced on the spot can't go dancing dot to dot cause it's all about the hangout online or off i'm running from another bubbly water cop in the whitest shoes made junior varsity buffaloes to spider web security log on baby, rub it all around two day shipping is the highest ground gotta save ourselves! we gotta save! gotta save ourselves! gotta save! (gotta make the play) right bench left out there's no ecology it's outside of me! there's no ecology wooden risers set the scent of wasted evenings gone to sweat well, i am junior varsity weakened strength belongs to me yes, i am junior varsity i'm living in the big, in the big city all these groovy nights, all these wasted days i'm trying to get in to make my play
5.
I get job alerts from google trying manifest money that i've never, ever even possessed no desire to play that self made game i just want to sleep and to celebrate when it's complicated i am right on the thumb and when i simplify rock and roll's too dumb i can't read, i can't sleep, i set my eye on the screen i can't dance, i can't leap, i set my steps on concrete... who am i, yeah let's chat about it actually, i don't care your opinion who i am is all surrounded actually, i don't dare the liquid here we go, once again try get back beginning of ends here we are, douse the sins try shake mountains, hit the pins you can be most anything a butterfly or a bee sting i can be moist everywhere in the sieve or on the snare who am i, let's reconcile actually i don't talk to priests who i am is all the while my friends go skating for relief glasses surfboard on the sheets like visuals they soak my need i'm wetter as she touches me it's better if she touches pink we don't live in the 70s but earth first or you're a disease no we don't live in the 70s but our whole species burns the trees who am i, i kissed the soul actually, i fingered it too who i am is rock n roll with a little bit of coley glue i love being an uplifter i love how fast fast food delivers i love probiotics in microaggressions nothing confessional about professions there's nothing confessional about professions !! ... deep diving down into my dreams of a better personality i tape my blue moon set to the window remembering what i wanted then...i can't have it with these bad habits and all of my doubts that crush me inside and out i want to light a candle so i can move a little bit forward whatever desire desires is not what i've been bored of yes, to love and to pull and to live for us all! it's all that i've caught keeping my prayers who am i, let's reconcile actually i don't talk to priests cause who i am is all the while my friends go skating for relief my glasses surfboard on the sheets like visuals they soak my need i'm wetter as she touches me but we don't live in the 70s earth first or you're a disease as our species burns the trees no we don't live in the 70s but here it is global warming... GLOBAL WARMING!!
6.
i love you, drunk driver i love you drunk i love you, drunk driver going down with you and you know i'd shallow i love you, drunk driver road side memorials touching your shadows i love you, drunk driver splitting Nebraska right in half i love you, drunk driver nothing more contagious than your laugh asymmetrical vision are you afraid of my womb?! i know we've reached our limits but what spirals through the room well it spirals under big prairie skies it's the crisis of our human lives put it in park! put your lips on mine! such a messed up car, such a messed up ride/life i love you, drunk driver i love you, drunk i am going down with you and you know i'll shallow come on baby--just one more bottle! (road side memorials touching our shadows) asymmetrical vision are you afraid of my womb?! i know we've reached our limits but what spirals through the room well it spirals under big prairie skies it's the crisis of our human lives put it in park! put your lips on mine! such a messed up car, such a messed up ride/life (come one drunk driver, gonna live tonight!!) i love you, drunk driver! i love you sunk i love you more than you'll ever know i love you more than alcohol o drunk driver!! come on baby get in the car--it's gonna be alright! i'm gonna drive you home tonight! i'm gonna drive us home! i love you, drunk driver.
7.
promise me 01:50
promise me you're not going anywhere living out on the edge of a double dare i want to dance with you and you alone match our steps to the stone live like a kite deep in the atmosphere cut all my ties until i disappear but i want to float with you and you alone catch our colors through soul promise me you're not keeping straight living out on the edge of feeling great yeah i want to laugh with you and you alone hands warmed inside of all our jokes i will learn to love you as the tide continues
8.
slipping around, building frozen water dipping on down deep into their daughters i am not one to repeat myself mumble into the shoulders i know best o i know best, better than you! standing upon the constant edge of decision i am nothing but these ten-spider women black holes are simply just misunderstood creative destruction on licks of their hood the birth rate booming into tall climate pains someday i'm sure i will miss all this rain remember the god that speaks straight to the body for cleverness is never left wanting downloads of WaterfallNatureSierra the brilliance of packaging is what i fear slipping around, building demon towers dipping on down deep into their waters i am a daughter now standing upon the constant edge of decision i am nothing but these ten-spider women black holes are simply just misunderstood creative destruction on licks of their hood the birth rate booming into tall climate pain someday i'm sure i will miss all this rain
9.
🌊👓 03:08
if you really want to cocktail the truth then you better start looking inside you if you really want to fight off depression then you better yield some god damn weapon i was made (4) loving: internal and externally i was born 4 hunting to decay as i bleed
10.
is it humorous? a catalog of failures i mispronounce are we dangerous? mineral swamp of feelings i cloud my body's stiff with landscapes i've been avoiding to go outside is to protect everything i'm destroying ! i am always off key, waiting to be something so queer desire desires nothing but what i've designed in fear ...to relieve...what i re-live... give us that natural sunset of disaster wet rocks slip gradual rhythms of the master lost my glasses to the ocean before i could see what i was looking for Nebraska becomes the ocean abused by my agriculture (all i ever wanted was a planet that loved me like i lived on it...) is it humorous? a catalog of failures i mispronounce are we dangerous? mineral swamp of feelings i cloud my body's stiff with landscapes that i've been pretending! i want to give back, i want to live, i never want to be ending! i know that i believe that we are infinity ! i know that i believe that we are infinity ! so how can i be protecting everything i am expecting? when I just keep on spinning...keep on spinning... oh come on! let me connect with you i want to disrespect with you i know i am dangerous when i don't trust the pleasure of being alive! give us that natural sunset of disaster wet rocks slip gradual rhythms of the master lost my glasses to the ocean before i could see what i was looking for Nebraska becomes the ocean abused by my agriculture just douse me in my rivers of pain i know someday the universe will explain 2x (if you press your ears close enough you'll get the secrets) is it home? is it humorous?
11.
eh eh eh eh eh eh ah ah ah ah ah ah tu tu tu tu tu tu tu tu eh eh eh eh eh eh ah ah ah ah ah ah oh oh oh oh oh oh tu tu tu tu tu tu tu tu i tried not to have it i wanted it all so bad i tried not to stab it i try not to feel...i never wanted to meet you in the middle, i never wanted to court you. when i fall, i fall.
12.
it's hard to believe the way the flesh is heavy when you love her you love her careful stressing you felt the hunger, so rotten and so full despite the plunging we lay the surface dull it is a shack, it is an oil lamp it is the tract of menstrual cramps it's easy to unsleeve the day our flesh is steady when you love her you love her slightly dreading o when i love her i love her where i'm ready the sod is sticky when you're wet with space i ask your always for nothing tucked in grace summer is summer when it is a summer to dance too far until the sky is over violence is cavernous, i feel inside your sex lay out in happiness all speckles on the specks violence is cavernous, i feel inside your sex lay out in happiness our speckles on the specks this workless work of fabled crones, this work is work of fabled crones 2x i never wanted any of this violence but i use my voice to break the silence tarot cards on sparrows decks-- i seek the comfort i will not regret ((mmm... this love is so chaotic falling into my own shit again... well i love every part of you but i die for what i want to do i am more than this now! i am just the strike of a rod! i wanted more than i ever had! i've ruined who i've ever been! i'll ruin who i'll ever bend falling in love again this is the shit i know: everything i've ever wanted to decay she is day by day she is the bang... oooo)
13.
i can feel my fingers numb in the middle of the grit younger mother is myself squaring father's temperament never fold my laundry straight never butter on both sides stretch a body into weight stretch a sentence into lies climb no mountains, lick no sculpture gardens never help me wander everything i desire seems so expensive i hope i will choose love over devices but its not concrete to depend on our triceps cause what i'm always dealing is not what i'm supplying touch the mirror, it's perfection nothing fearing our correction i can feel my elbows numb in the middle of the grease younger sister is myself watching both our fathers cheat never play vortex for keeps never better on both sides stretch into the soil's dreams stretch your farmland into tides i will body everybody i will magnetize i will bother everybody i will magnetize i will body everybody lifting up our eyes (into that deep night sky) younger mother is myself younger mother (younger mother, where do you wander?) never fold my laundry straight never butter on both sides stretch a body into weight stretch a sentence into lies climb no mountains, lick no sculpture gardens never help me wander everything i desire seems so expensive
14.
guess who's singing a song for your city? whether or not you're with me... what the fuck was i thinking taking advice from a prophecy? some branches snooze too long, little girl the jack-pine loses her height and i avoid the look in your eye our hearts fail us in demanding mutual mutations in our branding of who it is we want to be singing tales of love that leaves when you tell her of your defeats ignoring emails of her bossing some managers snooze too long, little girl guess who's singing a song for Seattle? whether or not I am comfortable what the hell was i wishing when we were drinking and driving? taking advice from a prophecy i hope your family kidnaps me (i hope they kill me) i failed to interpret them all the head dresses, depressed lessons... i lost my best friend at the shore the missed glances, shadowed vexes
15.
if you want to puncture money you better take to drinking honey a clash of civilizations i know better than to lose my patience rhythm it coils outside me i can't read what's so depressing power's more than privileged greens meditations on emergencies walk past the life on the streets the side walk cracks ecology why yes, i work in libraries i work just to lose my teeth i work so somebody can fix me no books for all these bookish creeps! no books for all these bookish creeps! i've got to learn to let go of anxiety sunshine / sunshine i desire light bending right into my own! dance with me dance with me luxury luxury time is so joyfully movement so spatially i am nothing but what i am denying attraction is stronger than gravity, gravity (2x) gravity, gravity--it grabs at me! if you want to puncture money you better take to drinking honey a clash of civilizations i know better than to lose my patience rhythm it coils outside me i can't read what's so depressing power is more than privileged greens meditations on emergencies walk past the life on the streets the side walk cracks ecology i work in libraries i work to lose my teeth i work so somebody can fix me dance with me--it's luxury! i've got to let go of all of my anxiety dance with me dance with me luxury luxury time is so joyfully movement so spatially i am nothing but what i'm denying attraction is stronger than gravity, gravity (2x) gravity, gravity--it grabs at me!
16.
every word i'm speaking now it comes out, it spills out, it runs out i want to share my secrets with the crowd i want to live timbered sighs through sound i gotta take a walk just to clear my spine with all distance of the gods and vines beat the resistance that i hold inside when i know joy will unfold and multiply found a photo in a library book and now the image sings like a prayer astro messages dance along my nerves telling me to love everything I serve if i am enough i am enough to grow a farm a stream banana volcano every role model is eating rolls one of these days i'll explode cause my body takes too many blows attempting to be these skin and bones i call my mom and tell my mom that i miss her mom i love my mom i love myself i want to be like no one else i love this earth i love all life i want to be joyful (peacefilled and wise) in the secret desire of my heart everyone i love is succeeding in the secret desire of my heart everyone i love is who i'm meeting
17.
you try to keep up with the truth you, try it you try it you try to keep up with the truth you bite it you bite it (i know it's all the rush...i feel it in the ground) .... ...
18.
paperless as paper does i've got to transfer my funds straight across our hangout lady boss : the lady clout oh she want bigger a hand tattoo stripped of the demand greater plains, wild ass get it off in the grass get it on with lots of snacks! ans serif -- cross your t's dot your i's and rip your jeans sign the check lick the bill lots of flowers now distilled clean your house humidify dance your fire through the night friction slick with danger bribes oh she got that magic eye o she got them thunder thighs yeah she got that crafty spine i catch creation in her mind no i never wanted to fertilize any of them gardens... no i never wanted to fertilize any of them gardens... incense and increase left for dead by no unease i've got to fertilize all my dreams: build a house on a house on a dead end street build a house on a house on a dead end street oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
19.
CBD soda, west coast life style trying to lose weight, running 5 miles finally met cute girl, i feel love thickest wool socks, that baby's a glove vote long and often, buy amazon repave the pavement and play lots of songs CBD soda, west coast never ends who lives in cities, they live with their friends get it hard, get it fast how'd you like to take a snack shove it down in your pack nibble the salt, smile a crack 2x "little lady, rock n roll..." i am so tired of all these bros left out of places we can't afford all this white music makes me so bored left out of places we can't afford all this white music makes me so bored...
20.
put me in coach (i'm ready) i want to be a winner to buy my mom some dinner coach, put me in, i wanna play! i want to be a winner so i can buy some dinner coach, put me in so i can play! you know i'm a star no! i only care about sports ! put me on the field / out on the court i've been stretching and lifting some weights someday i'll be one of the greats yeah i made the cut, made junior BUT I KNOW I'M STILL A WEAKLING !! ...i wake up and i think about wining is it enough? i'll never know but i can only make myself aim for the goal
21.
sit back, have a conversation you want to learn how to speak your patience you got to error all your statements before youth turns into wasted time melt another pipe protect our water rights a bandit with no crime a multiverse of sine you break the power high you're singing for all our lives the song's eternal ties to cycles we've forgotten the feeling felt spot on the feeling felt spot on what's natural but nature? all this nomenclature is wading around i connect to creatures i'll never understand trying to create with five pointed hands American sunrise at varying heights what fields announce the mountains and run rivers of thighs run rivers though our legs trying to escape we have no other way to survive we have given birth to a house in the rain we have given birth to a text we have established desire through pain we have collapsed into sex (what's nature but this blood in my legs and my brain on fire i'm not sure what else i can stand living inside the wire oh my god, i let them all die! it's easier than trying to survive it's convenient, you know? to only think about my ego...)
22.
what happens to love that we let go of? do we still dance on other dance floors? I 'member poems and pedaling I felt it was for all ways I felt it was for always our names almost rhymed with the gold of a trophy and in the trading of time I still hope you're free I still hope you're free what happens to love that we let go of? are we still friends in other forests? i hope you know you're a contender for the whole of what/who you are
23.
24.
scratches on glasses is it too much to hope for may? I'm starched red running as the wind whips (echo my face) i'm too relentless if i travel my thoughts neurons neurotic -- i deliver the loss there is a belly and a moan and a shiver look over valley and touch stone 2 your river i am reluctant to appease what is pleasing nothing is fucked up -- if it's fucking, it's breathing what sterile secret is a pocket for critters? i am love before i love all that shimmers life is true beauty when it is let alone to live if i am human then let human be what i forgive if i am hustling then let hustle be what i permit if i am crazy then let crazy be my craziness... syrup on stir-ups is it too much to hope for rain? another desert dance until i can resonate counted ten spirals rolling eyelids 2 clouds my grammar poorer than pouring of shrouds being myself converts these ashes to eagles defeat all sadness in the ego's cathedral there is a belly and a moan and a shiver look over valley and touch stone 2 your river i am reluctant to appease what is pleasing nothing is fucked up -- if it's fucking, it's breathing if i'm slouching, then i know what i'm keeping, if i'm backed out, then i know that it's keeping it's all in the quarry, the shroud if i am crazy then let crazy be my craziness if i am lazy then let lazy be my laziness counted ten spirals rolling eyelids 2 clouds my grammar poorer than pouring of shrouds being myself converts these ashes to eagles defeat all sadness in the ego's cathedral there is a belly and a moan and a shiver look over valley and touch stone 2 your river you know you've got a river inside of yourself! so come on baby, let it all hang out!!
25.
i am deciding how to arrive i want to be alive! now i sense the end i spoke to the voice that said it was me in the sky outside of how i arrived you believe? that's it all falling away? well i'll try not to let that touch too much of my mindscape the way that you looked when you were walking away well, i'll try not to be so seattle about this when i am feeling alone on the bus ride home when i am feeling like it's all gonna explode now i keep it apart now i try to make art now i open my heart to the source i'm struggling...but i'll pretend i'm not. yeah i'm struggling yet i'm not... it's all i will trust it and now i fall away if i could remember those concrete days i'd wake up and shiver well, ignore the feelings, it's alright... me questioning myself... HARD BREAK/DEATH

about

a pre-album for the 2019 record, Return 2 Sport. recorded in coley's basement bedroom between February 2019-May 2019. about the earth, our bodies and trying to get back in shape for sports.

credits

released May 27, 2019

coley mixan is all guitar, vocals, lyrics, drums, percussion, bass, production, keyboards, mallets and synthesizers heard on this record.

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Coley Mixan Seattle, Washington

ol' coley gonna build a sod house.

coley mixan is a multi-instrumentalist + visual artist creating sonic pieces that resonate on the same frequency as microwaved bananas. 🍌🍞🍰

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